The Towne of Phishport is pleased to announce a new partnership with the Phishport Psycho Center, through which it will provide free pH checks to all Phishport residents, free of charge.
Ms. Isabelle Adams, Psycho, was gleeful to make the service available. “Normally, we don’t get to interact with the general Publicks(SIC), and they’re always laughing at us. But like now, we have so much more to offer than sprouted grain organic pumpkin muffins and super-charged lattes.
“We are putting all of our talents in the Psycho Center to good use, serving smiles with injections.”
The following was provided by the Phishport Psycho Center head psycho, Isabelle Adams.
FAQ
Q: Will The “Injections” Make Me Ditsy?
A: Like, no. We call them injections, but they’re really – like – reverse injections. We’re not putting anything in you; we’re just taking an eetsie-bitsy sample of your blood to make sure your armpit fish are doing their job. If they’re not, we’ll refer you to the proper resources to either whip your armpit fish into shape or replace it with another one. Of course, we will try to avoid the ladders (SIC) if we can avoid it. Nobody likes to switch out their armpit fish. We used to call them “shots,” but some people got scared, and others confused them with the normal triple-mocha-latte espressos which we ourselves consume. We promise, we will never force you to consume anything you don’t want, or anything else that would make you ditsy like us psychos. And there are Phishport agents monitoring the process to make sure we don’t!
Q: Will My pH Check Be Confidential?
A: Absolutely. You can be sure that nobody will find out about your pH check unless you tell them. We put our psychotic tendencies to good use by creating a continuous spectacle that distracts any and all passer-by’s from knowing that you’re even stopping by.
Q: What’s It Like To Get My pH Checked?
We promise, it will be quick and painless, and in many cases, fun! We might even sing to you. Because, despite what you may say, you know you love it! The best way to find out is to come on down to the psycho center during a stabbing session, and if our trained lobotomists (SIC) can find your vein, you’ll be on your way in lest (SIC) than ten minuets(SIC).
